I thought I was going to get off easy...roll out of bed, click my mouse..bam. It would be mine! I crept online in the dark. The TV was there and on sale BUT they had delivery charges and I wouldn't get it til next week and I would have to coordinate delivery. This just wouldn't do. So squinting at my watch, I sucked it up, got in the car, and went there...WalMart...Black Friday...4:30am....first time. Be Afraid.
The lines were past BJs. I surveyed the carnage as I walked forward. An abandoned sleeping bag lay crumpled on the sidewalk. A child's mitten was trampled in the gutter..Oh the humanity!I finally wrangled a cart and made my way in. It was of another world. One woman had a 2 way radio with her posse and was screaming that they weren't looking in the right place. I think I recognized the phrase, "You are dead to me!" in Korean. I had to ditch my cart in Children's Clothing as the crowd in electronics was too thick.
Many were being tempted by the "shiny" things they had placed in the path...distractions..dvds here...iPod accessories there. I would not deviate from my mission. I WILL NOT LEAVE MY WINGMAN..oh wait..wrong 80's movie reference.Though I looked for my prey, the elusive HD LCD TV on sale for 388 was nowhere to be found. Finally, I spotted one...already bagged, tagged, and strapped to the cart. It was a beauty! I had to know where she got it so I dove over another woman's cart and grabbed her by the sleeve...WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT IT BACK THERE? Electronics is THAT WAY!?! Oh, but I was a novice. They stacked towers of things ...in other departments. After I apologized for ripping her coat, I headed in the other direction.
It was worse than any Australian rules football game. One woman cut my path off as I was making my way through Hannah Montana. I checked the bitch as I went by. She'll live. When I finally thought I was going to fail...go down in a sea of High School Musical t-shirts and leggings...I made peace with myself. Blue??? Is that you, Blue??? Just as I was going down in faux fur trimmed jackets, I spotted it...the tower of white boxes!
I dodged the rack of sleepers, dove under the two women fighting over an Elmo nightgown, and slid into the aisle. Touchdown! I put my hands on the box. I was elated! Overjoyed! It was mine all mine! I had a cocky smile on my face until I realized I had ditched my cart ten minutes ago. Shit. They say you know when you hit rockbottom. The woman turned briefly to look at a pair of connected mittens, leaving her empty cart exposed, vunerable. I'm not proud of what I did and it is here I confess my sin of cartjacking. I hope it's a dry heat down in Hell.
So here I sit sleep deprived, bruised and with a dislocated shoulder. I have my new TV, my prize, my trophy. Now how to hook it up....my Precious....
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